Pastor's Pen: Humility and Faith

In high school, I discovered a passion for mathematics. I was never thrilled with simple computation. Arithmetic bored me. However, starting with geometry, I fell in love with mathematical proofs. Starting with simple truths and universal principles, I derived airtight, logical arguments about how angles, circles, and parabolas behaved. I found power, truth, and even beauty in logical arguments. There was a great satisfaction in reaching the end of a geometric proof, “quod erat demonstrandum.”

Perhaps, the reason mathematics was attractive was that the rest of the world seemed so confusing and messy. People were fickle, and life didn’t carry the elegance of mathematics. So I pursued mathematics. I have a bachelor’s degree in it, and even today, I take satisfaction in wrestling with a mathematical problem to discover its secrets.

However, along the way, I discovered that there is more to life than math. Logical, abstract reasoning is powerful, but it isn’t the only way to explore the world. There is beauty in the symmetry and rationality of a well-kept garden, but there is also form and beauty in the chaotic life of the forest. Mathematics was never the problem. Instead, I was the problem. I was unwilling to see the world as it is.

This realization opened new worlds for me. As a college student, I began to wrestle with God and with faith. For the longest time, I was resistant to God’s call. God, for me, was about proof and doubt. I brought my tools of logic and rationality and attempted to make God fit my categories. God, however, would not be contained by my abstractions. I read the Bible and found that the world there was as wild and chaotic as the real world. I finally embraced the mystery, and suddenly God’s call could not be ignored.

There are times when you venture out into a lake. The water is cloudy and murky. You step out, and your toes don’t seem to touch the bottom. However, somehow, something is holding you up. I had questions, doubts, and concerns about the faith, but somehow the faith still held me up. I discovered that God loved me, and in Jesus Christ, love became real, more real than anything I had ever experienced.

Pursuing faith was less like following a geometry proof. Instead, it was like following a friend. There remain times of doubt, confusion, and even anger. However, the overwhelming experience is one of comfort, confidence, and love. I still struggle with the faith or the Scriptures, but now my hermeneutic is trust. We cry out like the man asking Jesus to heal his son, "I believe. Help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24).

Grace & Peace,

James Hodsden